LOVE and CHANGES

"2ND CHANCES DON'T MATTER, PPL NEVER CHANGE."

(the following blog entry is my personal outlook...No offense or forced opinions is intended =)

The course of dysfunctional relationships have not, at all, changed. As a former LOVE REALIST & relationship theorist, I have to re-admit, I was right all a long Sure you can call it cowardly to let the fear of love keep you from playing the game but even if you do pass that courageous level...love will turn you into a coward and put it on constant replay so that you never forget how much of a fool in love you are. It's a mistake to second guess yourself. It's a mistake to let your guard down. For years I supported the idea of RATIONAL LOVE...but there are minimal ways to love rationally. Love is hardly rational. Love is blind, love is unfair, love is pain and when it all crumbles down, LOVE is by far........ just plain BRILLIANT. Here's an applaud to the most powerful saving grace in this world; LOVE. The beautiful thing about earth and all the people who live in it is that we have the potential to CHANGE; to make changes and promote change. We are a changing society. I think it's even safe to say we are a fast pace IMPROVING civilization(not so much morally). However, when you walk into a relationship with the motive to change an individual you are setting yourself to fail. Don't get me wrong, to have faith and hope that a being may change for the better is a genuine want but not a want in your control. No matter how well things go from the start of your experiment...an individual cannot walk away from his or her individuality. I believe only by the grace of God that this is possible but alone, it's a flippin' mission IMPOSSIBLE! When you seek a partner you should seek one that's functional according to your personal preference. It's kind of a flaw, we lovers have, to pick out dysfunctional characters with the pursuit of "fixing" what you aren't entitled to correct. It cannot be done. I'm not discouraging the idea of counseling or repairing broken relationships because by all means, work on it...but if you can save yourself the likeliness of failure than DO IT. PLEASE! Save yourself the headache and the heartache!



Everything, concerning relationships, I believed was of course partially experienced, partially witnessed, observed and partially THEORETICAL. When I put my hypothesis to the biggest test...of falling for everything I was against, I PROVED MYSELF CORRECT. I slowly made exceptions, broke rules and constantly 2nd guessed my good judgment...everything was great and BLURRED but when everything FILTERS OUT...than your left with some trouble..and by than its TOO LATE because your already in love! AAHH HOW SCARY! lol I Learned many things through my unintended quest of this LOVE experience. Everything from the the deep emotional attachments to the malfunctions, the double standards, and the power of a broken heart. I'm not saying people should just give up...I'm saying KNOW when to give up. Know that the person you WANT is not always the person you deserve. Know that what you feel CAN be felt again..and even felt to a BETTER DEGREE. I'm not saying that when things hit rock bottom to call for an extreme departure...I'm saying don't be blind or misguided. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I can completley live by my outlook on love to a full extent (i know its hard!!! I do!!!) & last but not least I'm not saying your relationship is forever broken...I'm simply saying if you come to a dead end and nothings changing than maybe its time to accept the impossible. You get an offer and you believe he will change...You say "yeah i see it, hes changing...." His eyes say he wants to change and it's so convincing because the reality is EVEN HE THINKS HE WILL CHANGE but the thing is...as soon as you take that offer is as soon as everything GOES BACK TO NORMAL. You can't change your partner. You can't strip away who they really are. No matter how much BETTER you know they CAN be and no matter how much you try. The only way you can change them is when THEY, themselves, realize that they want this FOR THEMSELVES but so long as the drive is for YOU...well...feel special for as long as you can....and dwell on it even when you don't feel so special anymore!




Some may say BUT HEY, I CHANGED MY BOYFRIEND and HE'S A MUCH BETTER PERSON NOW...well...that may be true but the changes lasted only because as much as it WAS TO YOUR BENEFIT was as much as it was to HIS BENEFIT. As far as "don't smoke", "don't go out so much" or "please do better in school." If he doesn't want that FOR HIMSELF than chances are, He won't JUST for you. For example...If I said my boyfriend can't smoke cigarettes if he wants to be with me because I care for his health..what does that say about us when we breakup? He'll go back to smoking because he never stopped for his health. He didn't stop for his own well being so it's not a change set to stone! HOWEVER, if someone (maybe you) convinces him of the hazards and risks of smoking and he truly stops because he realizes "hey i don't want yellow teeth and bad breath" than when you 2 depart, you have the peace of mind to know he won't start smoking because he stopped for himself. Repeat after me lol..."MY BOYFRIEND WILL NOT CHANGE FOR ME!" (even if he wants to or believes so) ANYWAYS Overall, LOVE is a never ending debate. It's cool and than its not. It's great and than it sucks.
My conclusion is: You have to decide whether it's worth your heartache. You have to choose your battles...and choose WISELY. I don't look down on you hopeless lovers; I look up to you because you are BRAVE. You are BRAVE to feel with your whole heart with the risks of it breaking in two, and you are brave because you JUMP blind folded. For the rush, for the spark, for the sake of love. To love with all your heart is a GIVING thing; It's far from selfish. You give yourself up with no guarentee that he or she will do the same back in return. You lower yourself out of love. Its a "give and take" ordeal. I watched many girls cry and feel incredible hurt and ppl may say they're "nieve" or "weak"... but they are not at all....in fact they are STRONGER than those who judge them. THEY ARE STRONGER THAN ME! To feel that hurt, to fall and get right back up to do it all over again in the name of love is remarkable. I felt that hurt once and I'm scared out of my mind! I've felt that hurt and thought "uh-uh, I'm to pansy to do this ever again!!!" I know RIGHT FROM WRONG..I believe in everything that I say but even I have a tough time living by it. Love has a tight grip man, give us lovers a break! lol....Besides YOUR JUDGEMENT DOES NOT DEFINE ME or THEM, it DEFINES YOU.

My personal views on love don't all go down south, they go north, west and east. There are smart ways to love and stupid ways to love but there is no wrong way to love. ^_^


LOVE Lyddy.