BE CARE FREE. BE HAPPY.

I'm done stressing the unevitable; done sweating the impossible. THE BEST THING I EVER DID was giving a situation MY ALL....because in result, THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED was getting nothing much in return....so that THE BEST THING THAT I COULD EVER REALIZE was: WHEN YOU GIVE IT YOUR ALL....you can FINALLY-FINALLY relax and be CAREFREE. WHY? because NOW you have NOTHING, really, left to lose. Don't let the same disapointments phase you. I soon discovered that I can find a reason to be happy each and everyday. Theres' neverending ways to put a smile on my face....and guess what? I can do it...all....on....my own. & If I CAN THAN ANYBODY CAN =]

Chaotic, argumental, bickering, depressing, stressing- NORMAL relationships can make you jaded, cynical and bitter. Here I was trying to hide a frown behind a smile and boy, was I great at it. Here I was, driving down Bandera rd, once again, gasping my breath because something so simple can be so overwhelming. The seven minute drive home suddenly feels like a long agonizing roadtrip from hell...am i overexaggerating? maybe...Was I happy? Not really. So why stay in a relationship that makes you so sad? Are the happy moments really worth your while? We all know the answer...because ***drum roll please*** boom boom boom** ........LOVE. I perfer to call it "Emotional Attatchment" but call it what you like...call it hell or call it heaven...whatever it is..It is blurring your sense of judgement...and although this is a very general topic...Lets say "Blurring MY sense of judgement" shall we? One year of the same thing is DISCOURAGING....My relationship of 3 years...ha...THREE YEARS of the same thing...DISCOURAGING. So if your gonna stick around regardless than here's a tip: STOP CARING! STOP TRYING. STOP CRYING. STOP MOPING....Now resort to all of this once you've cared enough, tried enough, cried enough and moped enough and saw ZERO RESULT from it. (nobody but your friends and family are gonna care that your crying) Make sure you put in the effort atleast a JILLION times before you take my hint. lol, okay I take that back, 3 times at the max. Cause lets get a load of reality??? At some point in your disasterous relationship...your gonna come to either one of two conclusions. ONE, your bf/gf is never gonna change AND your not gonna waste any more time...or TWO, your bf/gf is never gonna change but you STILL don't wanna live without them.(we know its hard.) If you chose ONE,,than YAAAAAYYY!!!!!! WEEEE!!! Great pick! You are a soilder at heart!!! ...However...many of us pick TWO haha...So if you picked TWO....you obviously UNDERSTAND in full comprehension that NOTHING's gonna change. To pick TWO, you have accepted that nothing will change...yet you don't believe in yourself enough to move on.., You don't believe you should walk away from the person you love. Alright fair enough. Stop initiating arguments...your stressing yourself for no reason when YOU SHOULD KNOW the answer(or result) is NO. He/she may not be straight up about it but NO is the answer....THEY WONT CHANGE. So why stress and argue? Just leave it be. Might as well enjoy yourself. My point is.....if you can make YOURSELF HAPPY, you won't be so hungry as to depend on some unchangable factor. I was all about being single, independent and confident. Always...and for the tested time being of being in this mess...I simply forgot. The good news is....you can't run away from who you are...never...and here I AM!! The same ol' hypothesizing young lady!!! ^_^ I'm happy now. Let me tell you that things are not at all right or the way I'd like...but I'm happy. Not with the let downs but with myself. I highly DON'T reccomend that things be this way but if you're not gonna leave and he/she is not gonna change..than what else do you suggest? You may not believe in yourself...but I do. I've seen it. I've seen miracles like that. =] and it brings peace to me. I hope with all my heart that most of us would have the strength and courage to pick choice ONE....I DO PRAY FOR SUCH A THING.

heres a tip: If you do ever get out of THE MESS of a relationship your in TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!!!!! ....Don't ever go for Round 2. Don't meet a guy with 10 characterstics you HATE and a few puny charactersistics that you adore. Don't repeat mistakes.
DON'T DIG A HOLE SO DEEP THAT YOU CANT CLIMB OUT.


ANYWAYS...the other day I had a very productive shoot with Lucas Brilliot. Here is an image from the shoot. MORE TO COME. (along with the one above^^^)

LOVE AND DISAPOINTMENT

LOVE and DISAPOINTMENT.

I'm having quite a blue morning but don't get the misconception that I'm some EMO. =] I'm just sick of being fedup so I thought I'd talk about a simple subject, Dissapointment. How to get to the bottom of it? How to beat it in its' own race and How to burn your bridge of these reoccurring suckers!!!? and last but not least, do I really know the answers to all of these? [lol]
Dissapointments....I'm sick of them but who isn't? COUNTLESS letdowns really stir up a good recipe for DISCOURAGEMENT. Especially when you hope and hope for the better and THE BETTER never comes around. After trials of failure and never-ending upsets, what than, can you do? You're a crying zombie in the middle of the night wondering how you got HERE again? It's a feeling you don't want to know but it's no longer your acquaintance, but your new friend....wait..by this point, shoot, your OLD friend because we can all agree that disapointments get OLD real fast. Right?

The cliche thing to say "Don't give up" because "failure is one step closer to success"...familiar?
However, things are not black OR white. Things aren't even black AND white. It sounds almost like burger king advice to say "hey kids never give up." I'm not promoting the idea of bailing out when things get rough BUT if we wanna disect the reason for the countlessness, the de ja vu of dissapointment and constant let downs than we have to THINK OUTSIDE OF OUR CHILDREN BOOKS of CLICHE ADVICE and get to the center of this.

I thought exterminating my hopes and expectations would eliminate any possible dissapointments in the future. I figured if I stopped hoping, I'd stop getting let down. I hate getting my hopes all high because when the end result is Freakin' FISH POOP I wanna tazer SOMEONE or SOMETHING!!!! ...but like I once said you can stop hoping all you want but hopes build on their own. So X that out. Eliminating your high hopes is a short term solution. So than you think your just gonna DEAL WITH IT but who are you kidding?? Why learn to deal with horse "shhh"?? You can learn to deal but YOU ARE who you are. You can't run from your own preferences. If you don't like it than you shouldn't deal with it.

So now what??NOW WHAT CAN YOU DO!!! I'm not a former dissapointment slayer whose succeeded in the many scorchering obstacles of dissapointments BUT I am a member of the Sucks to be Dissapointed Club!!! And as fellow members of this club, who knows better than us as to what NOT to do!???
CHANGES!!! CHANGES!!! CHANGES!!!!! You can't mope around about the same thing day after day...night after night. You make changes!!! The course of things repeat according to the circumstances. Make changes on your part and EXPECT CHANGES ON THEIR PART. Once you've done all that you can ON YOUR PART along with all that you could deliver in this relationship...the rest is NOT in your control. So yes you may still end up dissapointment if your other half SUCKS. haha ok jk but really and truly, if your other half sucks...consider the following: 1.) He/she doesn't want to put effort 2.) He's/she's NOT gonna put effort and 3.) Maybe he/she never will so if you can ACCEPT further dissapointment than do what you will.
In relationships YES you will face hardships, flawed characteristics, peeving situations and yeah, disapoinments. When you get married you sign a contract, make a promise, seal the deal and SIGN UP for all that bogusness..correct? But until further ado..your NOT MARRIED (I assume)...So make sure that you seal the deal with someone whose flaws you find (to the very least) BAREABLE. If you love your girlfriend despite her constant bickering and thats a flaw your okay with (because hate to break it to u but girls come with that) than MARVELOUS! SEAL THE DEAL! If you love your boyfriend but he's a creeping cheater than....study your situation...If thats something you wanna sign up for. The whole thing about disapointment is..the longer you stick around the longer it melts on you. Don't accept INTOLERABLE flaws...well, I'm not saying "DON'T" but if you want to cut the SPECIFIC dissapointment in the long run...than feel its WRATH NOW, and hurt for X amount of days or months instead of LATER, as in everyday for the rest of your life!!!

LOVE and CHANGES

"2ND CHANCES DON'T MATTER, PPL NEVER CHANGE."

(the following blog entry is my personal outlook...No offense or forced opinions is intended =)

The course of dysfunctional relationships have not, at all, changed. As a former LOVE REALIST & relationship theorist, I have to re-admit, I was right all a long Sure you can call it cowardly to let the fear of love keep you from playing the game but even if you do pass that courageous level...love will turn you into a coward and put it on constant replay so that you never forget how much of a fool in love you are. It's a mistake to second guess yourself. It's a mistake to let your guard down. For years I supported the idea of RATIONAL LOVE...but there are minimal ways to love rationally. Love is hardly rational. Love is blind, love is unfair, love is pain and when it all crumbles down, LOVE is by far........ just plain BRILLIANT. Here's an applaud to the most powerful saving grace in this world; LOVE. The beautiful thing about earth and all the people who live in it is that we have the potential to CHANGE; to make changes and promote change. We are a changing society. I think it's even safe to say we are a fast pace IMPROVING civilization(not so much morally). However, when you walk into a relationship with the motive to change an individual you are setting yourself to fail. Don't get me wrong, to have faith and hope that a being may change for the better is a genuine want but not a want in your control. No matter how well things go from the start of your experiment...an individual cannot walk away from his or her individuality. I believe only by the grace of God that this is possible but alone, it's a flippin' mission IMPOSSIBLE! When you seek a partner you should seek one that's functional according to your personal preference. It's kind of a flaw, we lovers have, to pick out dysfunctional characters with the pursuit of "fixing" what you aren't entitled to correct. It cannot be done. I'm not discouraging the idea of counseling or repairing broken relationships because by all means, work on it...but if you can save yourself the likeliness of failure than DO IT. PLEASE! Save yourself the headache and the heartache!



Everything, concerning relationships, I believed was of course partially experienced, partially witnessed, observed and partially THEORETICAL. When I put my hypothesis to the biggest test...of falling for everything I was against, I PROVED MYSELF CORRECT. I slowly made exceptions, broke rules and constantly 2nd guessed my good judgment...everything was great and BLURRED but when everything FILTERS OUT...than your left with some trouble..and by than its TOO LATE because your already in love! AAHH HOW SCARY! lol I Learned many things through my unintended quest of this LOVE experience. Everything from the the deep emotional attachments to the malfunctions, the double standards, and the power of a broken heart. I'm not saying people should just give up...I'm saying KNOW when to give up. Know that the person you WANT is not always the person you deserve. Know that what you feel CAN be felt again..and even felt to a BETTER DEGREE. I'm not saying that when things hit rock bottom to call for an extreme departure...I'm saying don't be blind or misguided. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I can completley live by my outlook on love to a full extent (i know its hard!!! I do!!!) & last but not least I'm not saying your relationship is forever broken...I'm simply saying if you come to a dead end and nothings changing than maybe its time to accept the impossible. You get an offer and you believe he will change...You say "yeah i see it, hes changing...." His eyes say he wants to change and it's so convincing because the reality is EVEN HE THINKS HE WILL CHANGE but the thing is...as soon as you take that offer is as soon as everything GOES BACK TO NORMAL. You can't change your partner. You can't strip away who they really are. No matter how much BETTER you know they CAN be and no matter how much you try. The only way you can change them is when THEY, themselves, realize that they want this FOR THEMSELVES but so long as the drive is for YOU...well...feel special for as long as you can....and dwell on it even when you don't feel so special anymore!




Some may say BUT HEY, I CHANGED MY BOYFRIEND and HE'S A MUCH BETTER PERSON NOW...well...that may be true but the changes lasted only because as much as it WAS TO YOUR BENEFIT was as much as it was to HIS BENEFIT. As far as "don't smoke", "don't go out so much" or "please do better in school." If he doesn't want that FOR HIMSELF than chances are, He won't JUST for you. For example...If I said my boyfriend can't smoke cigarettes if he wants to be with me because I care for his health..what does that say about us when we breakup? He'll go back to smoking because he never stopped for his health. He didn't stop for his own well being so it's not a change set to stone! HOWEVER, if someone (maybe you) convinces him of the hazards and risks of smoking and he truly stops because he realizes "hey i don't want yellow teeth and bad breath" than when you 2 depart, you have the peace of mind to know he won't start smoking because he stopped for himself. Repeat after me lol..."MY BOYFRIEND WILL NOT CHANGE FOR ME!" (even if he wants to or believes so) ANYWAYS Overall, LOVE is a never ending debate. It's cool and than its not. It's great and than it sucks.
My conclusion is: You have to decide whether it's worth your heartache. You have to choose your battles...and choose WISELY. I don't look down on you hopeless lovers; I look up to you because you are BRAVE. You are BRAVE to feel with your whole heart with the risks of it breaking in two, and you are brave because you JUMP blind folded. For the rush, for the spark, for the sake of love. To love with all your heart is a GIVING thing; It's far from selfish. You give yourself up with no guarentee that he or she will do the same back in return. You lower yourself out of love. Its a "give and take" ordeal. I watched many girls cry and feel incredible hurt and ppl may say they're "nieve" or "weak"... but they are not at all....in fact they are STRONGER than those who judge them. THEY ARE STRONGER THAN ME! To feel that hurt, to fall and get right back up to do it all over again in the name of love is remarkable. I felt that hurt once and I'm scared out of my mind! I've felt that hurt and thought "uh-uh, I'm to pansy to do this ever again!!!" I know RIGHT FROM WRONG..I believe in everything that I say but even I have a tough time living by it. Love has a tight grip man, give us lovers a break! lol....Besides YOUR JUDGEMENT DOES NOT DEFINE ME or THEM, it DEFINES YOU.

My personal views on love don't all go down south, they go north, west and east. There are smart ways to love and stupid ways to love but there is no wrong way to love. ^_^


LOVE Lyddy.